Who knew that dwarfs could be such a**holes? I am totally serious, I completely expected them to be nice, judging by the first sight of them and all the fairy tales I read about them as a kid. Sure, they were often a little weird, a little reserved, a little... different. And when I first laid eyes on them, they seemed nice enough. Industrious, hard-working, honest. Giddy little eyes, about the size of beads, looking inquisitive. Judging by their clothes, they did not seem vain either. Simple garments adorned them. They were dirty, but then again, they were digging in the earth, so nobody could really see anyway.
But boy, are these fuckers racists. I'm not kidding. Supremacists dwarfs huh, who knew? Really, the moment they spotted me, alarm bells went ringing and the little buggers were on my like a fat kid on a cupcake. Before I knew, I was tied down by rope (which looked rather thin initially, but was stronger than expected), gagged and carried off, down the mine. Their battle-cry to capture me, the moment they saw, was cute and scary at the same time. Being rather small, their voices were of a high-pitched nature, but everyone else heard, so yeah, I was a goner. That endearing feeling of watching these little people chisel away at the walls I had did not last longer than a few minutes.
Now back to the racist part. Sure, the accusation of racism is thrown around like a beer opener on any given Friday night, but these dwarfs are not f*cking around. Boy oh boy, did Tolkien get it wrong when he put down his idea on paper on what it means to be a ''dwarf''. No noble creatures, tending to their own business. At this point I'd believe anything, because up to about four hours ago, I would not even belief that they'd exist in the first place. I certainly got a more open mind now, something the dwarfs do not seem to possess. How they look you ask? Well, they're orange, about a 120 centimetres on average, stronger than you would give them credit for, but bluntly put, not as smart. They seem to be quite single-minded in their quest to extract all the worlds gems and resources from the ground, which in a way does not make them that dissimilar from us, I guess. And the racism. They acted like I was the first human they ever saw, but judging by their behaviour, we might as well be cousins. In any case, they did not seem to like my length. They told me as much. Yes, dwarfs speak English. Why, you ask? Well, they are magical creatures after all.
Moving on.