The dream that followed was weird, to say the least. Jake was back on Earth, or at the very least not in Hell. He woke in what seemed like a desert. He was naked. The bleating of a goat made him turn his head. Right next to him he found the creature, attempting to lick his face. Jake drew back his head in amazement. He noticed a piece of the sheep's right ear was missing.
''Why am I naked?'' Jake asked himself. He looked down.
''Well, at least my dick intact.'' He smiled. Then frowned. Then uttered a face of shock. Before he could consider the unholy things he did to the sheep a big billow of a cloud rose up on his other and spoke to him.
''This is God'', the smoke uttered.
''What the fuck'', Jake uttered back.
''I have a plan for you, I need you to...''
''What the fuck am I doing here naked? And what the fuck is this sheep doing here?'' Jake interrupted god.
In a swirling twist of suffocating mess, the smoke twisted around Jake, penetrated all his orifices, forcing him to the ground.
''YOU SHALL NOT INTERRUPT GOD!''
Through a wheeze and a cough, Jake managed to push out a sliver of a word, which somehow resembled a 'yes'. The pain felt so real, he felt he was left with no choice. He was doubting whether this more than a dream, a premonition perhaps, or just a really, really messed up lucid dream with some sadomasochism thrown in for good measure. Or the fact that he was in Hell. Or that it was god. Who can really know?
''Good. Now as I was saying,'' God continued, after please from Jake made the smoke died dow, ''you need to go to the castle on the hill. Also, do not mind the midgets.''
''The mi-'' Jake uttered.
''Yes, the midgets,'' god cut back in, his voice showing how pleased he was returning the favour of interruption.
''Moreover,'' god continued once more, ''you need to be careful with the white el-''
''HOOKERS'' the loud voice of Khan came through.
''Who dares interrupt God!?''
''I think that's Khan,'' Jake wanted to reply, but before he could get around to saying that, he found himself awake, watching a sweaty Khan writhing on the ground, shouting obscenities under the pale glow of the morning light.
''Thanks Khan'', Jake mumbled. You just saved me from a very unpleasant dream.
''GODDAMN FUCKING TITTY TWISTING SHIT FUCKER!''
''Whatabouts?'' Twain asked without looking up from his campfire cooking.
''Oh, you would not believe,'' Jake answered in between the fits and twists of Khan. The swearing was already considered part of the Khan-package and barely bothered Jake.
''But I do think it's time to continue on our way.''
''As long as you wake up Khan,'' Hitchens mentioned, munching on an apple. ''The last time I did that, he nearly tore my arm off.
''Ich will mach das!'' Hitler happily proclaimed. He stood up, proceeded to walk up towards the still twisting and turning Khan, grab him firmly by the shoulders and shouting a mere few centimetres from his face: ''AUFWACHEN!''
He firmly slapped Khan's face left and right with both sides of his hand.
''AUFWACHEN!! JETZT!!''
''Don't think it's really working for ya there,'' Twain uttered, prodding a stick in the fire.
''MOTHERFUCKING SHIT CUNT ASSHOLE'' Khan proclaimed like it was the gospel.
''It does not seem to be the case,'' Hitchens added to Twain, munching down the last piece of the apple.
Khan eventually woke when Twain kept some food under his nose. Soon after breakfast, we went on our way, but with a feeling of unease, Jake could not shake kept him company for most of the following day. This feeling was replaced with a feeling of dread when Jake his dream come true. Although god was cut short by the vehement shouting of obscenities by Khan, all Jake knew was that he had to watch out for the midgets and something beginning with ''el''.
My question as to what that would be was when they came upon a wall which stretched far off into the horizon in either direction. What I witnessed by standing by the only gate that we could see did not improve my mood, not even Hitchens joke about Donald Trump now apparently building walls in Hell as well.
Standing on either side of the gate was a midget, astride on a white elephant and they looked very... unpleasant.
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